Coming to couples therapy can be a frightening prospect.  Many people worry what this means about the relationship.  As a result, often couples wait a fairly long time before they decide to get into couples therapy.  During this time, very often, problems continue to develop. As a result of the waiting, couples therapy often starts our as a form of crisis therapy.  Both people often feel they are at the end of the line.  At the same time, they usually want the relationship to survive and to work better, but the built up fear, anxiety and resentment is often the first thing that needs to be addressed. No one sees the world with perfect accuracy.  We all have our own subjective experiences of it.  These experiences are, to varying degrees, influenced by our personal psychology.  To the degree there is an issue that is unresolved, more of our experiences in the world (romantic relationships, work relationships, etc), tend to be organized along the lines of our pre-occupations.  A person whose parents were angry and volatile may always find they are anxious around their boss.  Other authority figures may be experienced as being like the parents, even when evidence to the contrary is readily available.  (And, yes, this is where terms like transference comes in – although one may never hear it in therapy). It is the therapist’s job to try to understand the various communications and to develop hypotheses with the client about his or her experience.  The therapist helps the client become aware of motivations, thoughts and experiences which are normally outside of conscious experience.